Under the Glow of the Moon
by siriuslydrarry
Summary: Severus and Remus are having flashbacks of that fateful night in their fourth year of school. Could it be that the least likely person to help them is the one they need? Snupin ss/rl slash
1. Just a Dream

Disclaimer: This is my first fanfiction and thus will probably need a lot of work. I'm not sure how many chapters this fic will be, i'll just have to see as i go along! I do not own any of these characters/ settings – they belong to J.K. Rowling. All reviews are welcome and needed! :)

EDIT: I now have a lovely Beta Branden. He has helped fix up the first 3 chapters and will be contributing along the way through the rest of the fic :)

…

Severus sat in his study, he was grading the 6th years' essays on the effectiveness of calming draughts by candlelight. His worn mahogany desk was strewn with parchments and the occasional empty ink bottle. Oh, how he resented himself for requiring 3 feet of parchment. Rays of moonlight streamed onto the heavily red marked paper that was the unlucky victim of his full attention. His eyes followed the rays outwards to their origin - a quickly rising full moon. A thought crept into the back of Severus's mind: I wonder how Lupin is doing tonight. Although Severus would never admit aloud, he worried about the man during his transformations… the way he limped for a few days and suffered in silence… never wanting to draw attention to himself. It was a small comfort that Lupin seemed less rundown the past few months after a few modifications to his potion.

Ink dripped out of Severus' quill and splattered onto the parchment in front of him. He groaned at his absentmindedness and vowed to stop all of these silly, unnecessary thoughts about Lupin. I mean, when had the man ever worried about him? His thoughts trailed away.

Before he knew it, Severus was awakened by an alarm – he glanced around his room with blurry eyes. What time was it? What was stuck to his face? The sunlight was pouring into the room and temporarily blinded him. He squinted around, trying to re-orient himself with his surroundings. Reaching up to his face Severus unstuck his wand from his cheek and blindly reached to his left. Upon feeling the heavy green velvet cloth in his hand, he pulled the curtain closed. He must have fallen asleep grading again. Severus dropped his head into his hands and sighed. He would just have to skip breakfast to finish grading in time.

Severus re-lit the now long burned out candle with a flick of his wand. He searched for the parchment he had graded half way before sleep overtook him. Somehow the essay had managed to fall under his desk. The universe is really trying my nerves Severus thought as he reached down to feel about the dusty floor. Long fingers met dry parchment as Severus lifted the assignment back up onto his desk. He skimmed the paper and haphazardly made comments to feign effort. Severus blew through the rest of the essays this way. He would barely have enough time to grab a biscuit and some tea before his first lesson.

After quickly throwing on his robes Severus stormed through the hallways, ignoring the courteous greetings from passing students. Oh, how he hated their cheery smiles and dispositions in the morning! It seemed it was only a few years before when he had been a student in these halls, but he never strolled around like these hooligans. Although, he hadn't had friends to do such things with… Severus was scowling when he reached the Great Hall, much faster than he had anticipated. However, he was relieved to see most students were already finished with breakfast and on their way to class. Before reaching the head table Severus made a quick glance to Lupin's empty seat. No, not now, he squashed any thought of the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. He grabbed the closest things to him - a biscuit and goblet of pumpkin juice before dashing back into the hallway towards his familiar dungeons.

Severus was in a particularly bad mood as he started his first lesson of the day. He paced back and forth at the front of his classroom reciting the necessary cautions of the day's task, sneering at any student that even contemplated raising their hand in question. The students were very well accustomed to their potion's professor being gloomy, but they sensed his extra irritability and made sure not to step on his toes as they prepared their potions in silence. After only a few mishaps by some Hufflepuff third years (who in their clumsiness spilled toad's eyes all over the floor and dropped the wrong ammout of dragon scales into their cauldron), Severus surprised the students by assigning a foot of parchment on the properties of monkswood. Their hopeless groaning made him smirk.

He then slipped out of the room to the quiet of his quarters before anything could be asked of him. He needed some time to think. Why was he feeling so irritable? Sure, students normally made him irritable, but this was not the same, this was a deep nagging inside of him. Maybe I just need some rest, as I only had a few hours on a wooden desk last night, he rationalized. Whatever the reason, he needed to stop this before it disturbed his entire day.

The rest of the day went by quickly and without incident. Of course, the Slytherin and Ravenclaw 6th years would make no mistakes as they prepared a demanding upper level potion – the draught of living death. After his last class, Severus headed back down to the Great Hall to have dinner. He ate hastily half out of hunger and half the need to avoid socializing. He left the head table and was making his way towards the large entrance doors, when he suddenly felt the urge to look back at where he had come from. Should I just take a quick glance and note if Lupin is there now? No, why would I ever do such a silly thing? With that wavering thought in his mind, Severus continued on his way.

As soon as he reached his private chambers, Severus dropped himself onto his bed. He had to make up for some much needed yet bitterly lost sleep. Unfortunately, once he did fall asleep, Severus tossed and turned, fitfully dreaming about a beast at the end of a dark tunnel and himself trying his hardest to get as far away as possible. The fear grew in him as he tried unsuccessfully to run away. He could feel his feet hitting the hard ground over and over but all he could hear was the beast getting closer and closer, large paws pounding the earth louder and louder.

…

Across the castle, Remus Lupin himself was wrought with a nightmare. He was restlessly thrashing about, deeply swathed in a dream of being in small dark room. He was full of an uncontrollable rage and lashing out – tearing at the wooden walls. The pain in his hands, his body, was unbearable. Until suddenly, he heard it – a single sharp scream in the dark. Before he could stop himself he was hurdling towards the sound with only slaughter on his mind. Everything around him was red. Suddenly a bright white light flashed and Remus woke up.

He whimpered as he awoke from this dreadfully familiar nightmare to his battered and bruised body. For a split second, he worried about Severus. Was he alright? Did I get to him? His mind was racing until reality settled on him. For a few moments Remus just laid unmoving on the ground, listening to his loud breathing slow to a normal pace. He felt pensive. That was many years ago, I am sure Severus is perfectly fine.

With an ungodly amount of effort, Remus pushed himself off the sooty floor in front of his fireplace and dropped into his favorite brown leather chair. This was as far as he was going to get for now as he didn't have enough energy to even face Poppy. At least Severus newest potion had stopped the colossal pounding in his head that usually accompanied the morning after his transformation. It would be a few days, though, before his body shook off its stiffness and general ache. It was then that Remus thought, I wonder if Severus is thinking about me. Er well, about his potion… he would never be wondering about my wellbeing. Although, secretly, sometimes Remus would hope so.

His mind wandered back to when they were just children at Hogwarts. Remembering with a bitter fondness how they used to be. Severus had never been carefree, but he certainly used to be at least a little less reserved. Remus remembered the small smile gracing Severus thin, young lips after finishing a particularly difficult potion in Slughorn's class. That must have been their fourth year at Hogwarts. Even then, Remus was drawn to the mysteriously quiet Slytherin. Of course, he could never admit that to his friends.

Any chance of friendship or more was shattered however by Sirius and his thick-headedness. Although, it seemed fate had given Remus a second chance when Dumbledore asked him to teach at Hogwarts this year alongside Severus. His thoughts soon drifted to dreams once more as the man's tired body gave in to the sleep it so desperately needed.


	2. A Glance at Breakfast

Sorry for this chapter being so small! Once again this is my first fanfiction and reviews really help!

...

Back in the dungeons.

Severus woke with a start, his heart pounding and his night robes drenched in sweat. He hadn't dreamed of that night in many years. He stared at the ceiling wondering why this was happening again. Was he really so fragile that just the sight of Lupin would bring back his childhood nightmares?

Severus threw his legs over the edge of the bed and sat up. He carefully pulled off his drenched night robes and threw them to the floor. Sitting on the edge, Severus wrung his clammy hands and his eyes wandered his veined arms as he contemplated his situation. Lupin and his friends have only ever caused problems and I'll be damned if he brings the memories and pain back into my life. I make the wolfsbane every month at Dumbledore's request, but that should be the end of my worries about Lupin's "problem". He was exasperated with himself.

Severus figured that he wouldn't be able to get much more sleep given the state he was in. A good shower is what he needed to clear his head, he reasoned. He rose slowly from bed and stretched, it felt good to be unencumbered by his robes. All he wore underneath was a pair of white pants he slept in. He eased them down and let them fall to the floor as soon as his feet came in contact with the cool tile of the bathroom.

He stepped in the shower before turning the handle to release the surge of cold water. He sighed heavily once it became warm. Severus stood unmoving with his eyes closed, letting the water pelt down on him for a good hour. The water rolled off his body, taking all the nightmares and bad thoughts with it. When he stepped out of the shower to reach for his towel, a droplet fell off the end of his nose like a single tear onto the floor.

Over the next few days, Severus' life seemed to go back to normal – worrying about potions, grading, and the occasional out of line Gryffindor. All of this he could handle, he was in his element and feeling good.

Of course, that only lasted until the thin Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher returned to the head table – resorting as always to his unusually cheery disposition to overcompensate for his battered body. At breakfast, Severus caught himself unintentionally gazing at Lupin's newest wounds when a pale arm emerged from its tattered tweed sleeve reaching for a goblet. A red flag popped up in Severus' mind. Was there any way to stop them? He immediately snapped back to his right mind – no, Poppy will take care of him as always and I told myself I would stop doing this! He is not an ill child, he can take care of himself.

Severus stole his eyes back and tried to finish eating his breakfast. Instead, he just pushed around the contents of his plate and stared gloomily at the students at their long tables – all happy and carefree. When he finally looked down at his plate his bacon was in his eggs and his eggs were in his potatoes.

Trying to re-separate his food, Severus felt a pair of eyes watching him. A quick glance to his left confirmed his suspicions. Bright amber eyes met his sullen black ones for a split second before they both glanced away. With that, Severus took his leave. If Lupin wanted to play the childish game of stealing glances Severus would have nothing to do with it.

…

That morning Remus had awoken in his chair - achy, but rested enough to get washed and inspect the aftermath of his most recent episode. He carefully undressed in his bathroom and studied his pale, injured body in the mirror - slowly moving his eyes up, taking in every new bruise and cut. This transformation, it seemed, was not as bad – no need for urgent care.

After summing up the damage, Remus stepped into his scalding hot shower and carefully scrubbed his body – both cleaning off dried blood and kneading his sore muscles into submission. When he finally stepped out of the shower Remus felt more human, maybe even well enough to go down to breakfast with the rest of the staff. Seeing some smiling faces and having a conversation with his colleagues always made him feel better, even on his lowest days. Not to mention the deep rumbling in his stomach. How long was I asleep this time? He wondered as he took his clothes out of his intricately carved oak wardrobe.

He pulled on his usual brown trousers and dress shirt before carefully tying his tie and throwing on his tweed jacket. He glanced into the mirror again – almost like nothing has happened, he thought to himself as he left his chambers and headed towards the Great Hall.

Remus watched as students dashed about, chatting amongst friends and going on with their mornings. It brought a smile to his face, remembering himself walking through these same halls with his own friends not so long ago. Before he even knew it, he had reached the head table with a large smile still plastered to his face. He politely said good morning to Professor Sprout on the way to his seat.

Sitting down in his usual wooden chair, all he could focus on was the feast laid out in front of him. The food looked extra magnificent and appealed greatly to his empty stomach. Without a second of hesitation, he piled as much food as he could onto his plate. He was sure he must look like a malnourished child who hadn't seen food for weeks, but Remus didn't care. He reached for his gold goblet and felt eyes staring at a particularly bad spot on his arm. He quickly pulled his sleeve down before taking a sip of his pumpkin juice.

Remus looked to his right to see who the glance had belonged to. Quickly, he locked eyes with Severus before he shyly turned his gaze back to his meal. Why would Severus look at me? A little flutter tickled Remus's stomach. No, he couldn't possibly be worried about me… he thought, but still, a small smile crept its way on to Remus' lips. He made to look up at Severus again, "Severus, I.." but the potions master was gone before Remus could finish the sentence – his fork still resting on his plate and his chair ajar.


	3. Letter in the Dark

Sorry it took me so long to post this chapter, I wrote half of it a while ago and wasn't sure where to go with it.

p.s. you might get a little golden trio this chapter ;) Once again this is my first fanfic and reviews would really help!

…

Severus stormed into his private lab and locked the door behind him with a flick of his wand. Various potions were bubbling and sputtering on their burners. He walked down the row – stirring the first twice counterclockwise, adding a sprig of asphodel into the second, and crumbling a toadstool into the third.

He moved swiftly through the rest of the potions, and after adding three drops of snake venom to the last cauldron he sat down and slumped over his desk. With his head resting on his left arm, he slammed his right fist on his worn desk – knocking a jar to the ground. He cursed under his breath and reached for his wand to clean up the mess that used to be his pickled rat spleens.

What is Lupin playing at? He should remember what he did. He wracked his brain trying to come up with a reason as he watched the glass reconstruct and the rat spleens fly back into their container. An alarm startled him from his contemplations – it was time for his first class. He briskly made his way into the adjacent classroom and began writing directions on the chalkboard. He heard indistinct mumbling and shuffling as the students made their way to their seats. One phrase jumped out at him among the ramblings – werewolf.

Severus bristled and glanced over his shoulder – of course it would be Harry Potter and his friends, he thought to himself. Hermione Granger was spewing seemingly never ending facts at the two boys. Severus began to sweat. "The full moon…Monkswood…transformation." At the last word a memory flashed into Severus's vision. His breath caught, he needed to get out. Severus hurried out of the room, not caring what his students thought. He made it outside the door and slumped down in front of it, drawing his knees up, he tried to steady his breathing. His control over his emotions was weakening steadily and tears began to stream into his hands as he held his face.

He wasn't sure how long he sat there crying, but it wasn't long before he heard a concerned voice say his name. Squinting up Severus saw Lupin crouched down in front of him. The man looked ridiculous with his head tilted slightly to the side – no doubt trying to figure out what was wrong. Of all the people that could have found him, of course it was Lupin who did.

Remus gingerly reached out to touch Severus' shoulder. Severus' heart raced even faster and he quickly shrugged off Lupin's hand, while standing up. He turned his back on Lupin and stared at the floor – he did not want the damn wolf to see his face - what he was doing to him… He tersely told Lupin to go meddle in other people's business before striding towards the nearest bathroom. He felt Lupin's eyes boring into the back of his head as he pushed through the door.

Severus stalked over to the sinks and violently turned one of the faucets. The cold water rushed out of the tap like a dam had broken. He cupped his hands under the flowing water and stared at his reflection in its churning.

Severus splashed the ice cold water onto his face and reached for a clean white towel hanging next to his head. As he wiped his face and neck he saw himself in the mirror. He saw an old potions master with long black hair. But those eyes, in those eyes was a scared little boy. Severus shut them and a minute later re-opened them to find the boy gone.

…..

Harry turned and watched his potions professor sprint out of the room, along with the rest of his class. "What was that all about?" Ron asked with his eyebrows all screwed up. Harry looked back to his friend and shrugged. For a few minutes all the students looked around at each other, confused. After a few more minutes, a roar of whispering began as they tried to sort out what was going on and wondering what the chances were of Snape coming back in and catching them trying to leave. After 20 minutes of paper airplane throwing and general ruckus they decided it was safe to venture out of the classroom. Of course, Neville was pushed out first just in case. When he made it out unscathed they all made a break for it – scattering to their common rooms.

Although relieved to be free of potions that day Harry felt odd about how Snape had run out. What kind of emergency would cause him to leave without an explanation? Luckily enough, he spotted Professor Lupin walking ahead and ran to catch up to him. "Erm Professor, I was just wondering if something is wrong, because Professor Snape ran out of class without saying a word" he quietly inquired. Remus looked down at Harry, the spitting image of his old friend. "I believe Professor Snape had a personal emergency to take care of, it is nothing to worry about." He said with a slight waver in his cheerfulness. Harry looked up at his teacher questioningly, but didn't press the matter further. In fact, Professor Lupin wasn't looking too healthy himself. Though, as long as no chambers were being opened and no large beasts were being freed then he couldn't exactly care.

…

Remus watched Harry catch up with his friends before continuing on his own way back to his chambers. He still had the whole day off to recuperate before he returned to teaching. He paced his room, looking over all the book spines on his shelf. This is ridiculous, he thought to himself. I need to deal with Severus and figure out if there is some way to fix our strained relationship before it is too far into the semester. The other staff would surely begin to notice if Severus ran out of the room every time he entered it.

Weighing all his options Remus figured a letter was probably the best approach to get Severus to listen to him. Embracing the idea, he sat down at his desk and lit a nearby candle. He searched through his top drawer for a new piece of parchment and his favorite goose feather quill. Once started Remus quickly lost time while penning the note and looking it over; he wondered if he had written too much. Although, Severus would probably crumple the whole thing up anyway.

He sighed while looking at the wax dripping off his candle onto the desk. He grabbed his personal seal and dripped the candle wax onto the envelope before stamping it with the seal. Now, to deliver it by hand or by owl? He debated both sides in his head, carefully weighing the pros and cons. In the end, he decided a late night walk to the owlery would be nice, not to mention that he wouldn't have to personally confront Severus that way. He strolled down the dirt path admiring the way the moon reflected off the black lake. The moon looked so innocent and beautiful on nights like these.

Looking around the owlery, most of the owls were asleep. However, there was one little owl energetically hooting at him. He tied his letter to the small tawny owl and it puffed out its chest in pride, it made Remus smile. He watched it briskly take off back towards the castle, hooting and flapping gallantly all the way. Remus sighed, wondering if what he had done was really a good idea… but it was too late to change anything now. He would just have to wait and see.


	4. Calming Draughts

I really enjoyed writing this chapter and have my fingers crossed that I get a review on this one! Either way I am trying my best to update regularly now that it's summer and I have a Beta giving me incentive to get the story moving. Which reminds me - if you haven't heard, I have a Beta now who has cleaned up and enhanced the first 3 chapters so you should check those out again if you have time :)

…

After waiting for what seemed like hours to ensure Lupin was gone, Severus slipped out of the bathroom and down the hall into his chambers. He strode straight to a large wooden cabinet with glass doors – his personal potion supply. He carefully pulled open one delicate glass paned door, rummaged, and quickly found what he was looking for. His hand closed around a small vial of clear lavender tinted liquid. The label read Calming Draught, but he needn't have read it. He pulled the stopper out of the top and downed the contents. It warmed his throat and he took a deep breath.

Hopefully it would allow him to get on with the rest of the day. All he needed was for Dumbledore to find out he was having anxiety attacks and missing classes. He swore to himself that he had grown past it. He dreaded the idea of having that talk with the old man. His eyes closed and within seconds felt the calm rush through his body, causing his heart rate to return to normal and his anxiety level drop. He opened his eyes and sat down in one of the large green wing chairs by his fireplace. He cast Incendio and sat there staring into the flickering flames for an hour, letting it mesmerize him along with the rhythmic ticking of an old wooden clock up on the mantle. He began to nod off and at the dropping of his head, Severus was jolted awake. He squinted at the clock that had lulled him to sleep.

It was 10:40 - almost time for his second class of the day. He placed his hands on the arms of the chair and pushed himself to stand, he stretched, running his hands down his chest to smooth his robes. He flicked his wand to oust the flames, and made his way through the maze of corridors. He peeked back into his classroom, hoping there were no students in it. He rolled his eyes at himself when he realized this was ridiculous, he always had a free period between his first and second classes of the day. He still had some extra time before it would begin and used it to fix the directions on the chalkboard for the next class of 5th year Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws.

The potion's effects lingered and he was able to make it through the class and rest of the day well enough. When dinner time arrived he opted to eat in his personal quarters to maintain his sanity.

Dinner was tended to by the house elves, and with a content smile Severus climbed into bed with a book, relieved that there were no more chances of any type of social interaction for the day.

A tapping on his window interrupted his calm reading and he stood to discover the cause of that irritating sound that felt like it was drilling a hole into his head. Seeing the little owl bobbing outside, he reached to unlatch the window and let it in. The owl quickly zipped around his room once in excitement before landing back on the windowsill, looking up at Severus in anticipation. He scowled down at the hyperactive owl with as much disdain as he could muster at that time of night. I guess there's really no use in scolding an owl, he thought to himself, but he still glared at it as he relieved it of its letter. He sighed in agitation as the owl didn't leave, still staring up at him with those big yellow eyes. He didn't have any owl treats, so he quickly pet it on the head, making sure the bird could see his sour expression. He was relieved to see that it was enough for the little owl, who then hooted in contentment before setting off back out into the night.

Watching the owl grow progressively smaller as it disappeared into the dark sky, Severus had to wonder about the strange day he was having. Who would send me an owl at this time of night? He questioned, looking down, bleary eyed, at the envelope that only bore his name.

…

Back in the owlery, Remus stood still, immersed in thought. He was startled when the little owl came zooming back in and almost flew straight into his face, missing him by mere inches. He tentatively reached up and ran his fingers through his hair as he watched the owl land back on its perch. Was I really standing here that long? He thought to himself. I swear I only sent out that letter a minute ago. Feeling silly for checking to see if the owl carried back a reply, Remus patted the owl on its head and quickly headed back up to the castle.

He closed his door behind himself and leaned back against it, sighing heavily. I will probably regret that in the morning. Heck I regret it already, he mused to himself. It can't get any worse than it already is right? He shook his head at himself and pushed the worries from his mind. What's done is done and I'll just have to see tomorrow if I reached Severus in any way.

I saw the way he looked at my arm with… was it concern? It was an emotion he had never seen Severus expose. Although, it could have just been his mind playing tricks on him, seeing in Severus' eyes what he wanted to see, he supposed. If what I saw really was genuine care, then maybe I have a chance… he thought with a bit hope.

Too anxious to sleep, Remus walked into his small kitchen to make some tea. He filled a delicate white tea cup with water from the sink and dropped in a packet of Earl Grey. A simple heating charm and he was on his way back to the sitting area by his fireplace.

He quickly removed his jacket and laid it over his usual leather chair before sitting. With a piping hot cup of tea, and a Defense text book, Remus finally relaxed. When the words began to blur on the page he realized it was probably best to try and sleep.

He stood up and unbuttoned his shirt and pants, removing them on the way to his wardrobe. He hung them up before grabbing his night robe and throwing it over his head. Climbing into bed Remus realized how tired his body still was and collapsed in exhaustion almost immediately.


End file.
